And I miss you, Like the deserts miss the rain.

Today didn't end up the way i had planned, but more of the way i had expected it to. Just sitting at home not doing much and having horrible weather outside making most thing almost impossible to do. I did go for a long motorbike ride to clear my thoughts and that helped, i got drenched to the bone and made a bit of a mess through all the puddles and mud holes in the paddocks but i had good fun so its okay aha.
This afternoon I'm going to actually try and achieve something. Get my room organized and finish up homework and such. I'm still having a huge argument with the rents over how I should have my own room. u___u . Its like talking to a brick wall. I swear sometimes I'm invisible.
Anyway, i might blog later. Depends on my mood.

Im searching for a long time, but I'm never gonna find what I'm looking for.

So I've finally managed to blog after weeks of neglect. I guess I've been a bit too busy with school, work, homework and a few others things happening around home to sit and release my thoughts. Good news is that I'm starting to get my life organized. Its going rather slowly but apparently it takes 21 days for a new 'lifestyle' to kick in so I'm being patient and working on it. If your curious as to what lifestyle changes I'm currently making improvements on they are; saving money properly, getting up earlier and doing all i have to before school and not leaving in a mad rush, cussing less, keeping track of the cows and making sure things on the farm are spiffy, working harder at school and getting better grades (not really showing just yet but i am working harder, will have to check back on this in about three weeks hopefully *fingers crossed), and just general health and fitness. I want to go back to being a good runner and being healthy. My main concern is to be organized, happy and healthy. I also wanted to work on not wearing so much eyeliner, and i havent been wearing any lately - even to school!
Things are going well so far so i hope it stays this way. n_____n .
Today i put together a list of things i want, and i'm going to save up for and i realized i have a shit load. Firstly im saving up for a Motorbike (CRF230F), then a camera (EOS550D /hopefully), and then a laptop, horse, etc etc. It goes on forever so im not going to bother listing the rest. hehe.
I found some amaaaazing shoes yesterday and realized i really need to go shopping so tomorrow im going to go down town with my sister, well hopefully. She may be too hungover to go and I'll not be happy if that's the case -__- BUT anyway, i need some grungy looking boots and more amazing high heels. I got really crappy about how im quite tall already without heels and when i wear them it makes me look giant but oh well. Theres a few other clothes im going to look out for, although i shouldn't with my budget and everything but oh well :)
I've been having a crazy obsession return for my love of horses and i have continuously watched horse movies this weekend. I LOVE THEM omnom, kehe.
ANYWAY im being boring so chow. :D

Ive seen the shadow, of this burning angel.

So, I kind of like a guy at the moment. Being around him makes me get those gooey feelings. All those butterflies in your tummy and a smile you can't wipe off your face. A strange Happiness you cant help but feel. I love it. But then again, I hate the part where i like him, but I know i will never have him as my own. Its so frustrating, especially since i guess he knows the way i feel. which makes things even harder to deal with. Its surprising how you can actually feel your heart sink sometimes, its like those butterflies drop dead in your stomach when you realize something. Then you don't know how to deal with it at all. I'm so confused over this. I believe i just need to get over him, as well.